


I Don't Deserve You

by Liz_87



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:40:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24537853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liz_87/pseuds/Liz_87
Summary: AU set around the time of Duffy's one night stand with Bill and her subsequent fall down the stairs at home. Written before the dementia storyline was revealed. Series 33.
Relationships: Lisa "Duffy" Duffin/Charlie Fairhead
Kudos: 2





	I Don't Deserve You

Duffy sighed, looking over at the suitcase that lay on the bed as she pulled clothes from her side of the wardrobe. No, it wasn't her side anymore, none of the furniture in this house was "hers" anymore, it was his house and his belongings - her foolish actions had seen to that. 

Sitting down on the bed she begins to fold her clothes and place them in the case. Without meaning to she recalls the first time her case lay on this bed - the day she first moved in almost 2 years previously. A brief smile graced her lips. They'd been so happy. They'd packed up the little she'd had in her flat and driven over. She'd taken her case upstairs while he'd taken a few bits through to the kitchen. She'd been lent over about to unzip the case when she'd heard his voice at the bedroom door. He'd walked over and taken the case from her, pushing it to the floor before nudging her onto the bed. "You can do that later. I can think of a much better use for the bed right now." Bringing herself back to the present she began to cry. How had they gone from that to where they were now in just 2 short years? How had she messed things up so badly? It had happened quickly - even by her previous poor track record with relationships. 

She'd give anything for Charlie to be with her right now but he was at work. He hadn't wanted to be there to see her leave. They both knew deep down that it was for the best but that didn't stop it hurting. She'd managed to destroy the one relationship that had seen her through all the dark times, been there through everything, all the mistakes and heartache. She'd managed to hurt the one person who meant more to her than anything in the world except her children. One stupid night was all it had taken. One terrible mistake and her entire life was in ruins. 

She had no idea what she was going to do next, where she was going to go. She could go to Peter's but that would mean explaining everything. Explaining why once again her life was a mess and her marriage in tatters. Far too many times over the years he'd witnessed the arguments, the shouting, her tears as she desperately tried to hold it all together. No child should see that, not that he was a child anymore. She thought about the conversation they'd had just after she and Charlie had married. How he'd told her that he was glad he'd no longer have to worry about her, how happy it made him to see her in such a stable, loving relationship. No, she couldn't go there. She refused to let him see the destruction she'd caused. 

A bitter laugh escaped her. This wasn't the first time her own stupidity had left her homeless. Except this time she didn't have Charlie to take pity on her, to pick up the pieces and put her back together again like he always had done in the past. Now she was truly alone. 

Having finished packing her clothes she moved over to the bedside table. The first thing she picked up was a framed photograph of the two of them together. It had been taken on their honeymoon. She slammed it face down back on the table. She couldn't bare to look at it anymore. Opening the drawer she took out the important documents that lay inside - her passport, birth certificate, nursing documents and marriage certificate. Well, she wouldn't be needing that for much longer! She placed them into the front pocket of her case along with a few other trinkets from the drawer. 

The light glinting off something on the table caught her eye. She picked it up. It was the bracelet Charlie had given her on their wedding day. That alone would have made it special but then he'd told her the story behind it. He'd originally bought it several years previously and had intended to present it to her for her 40th birthday. However at the last minute he had panicked and feared she would become embarrassed at such an extravagant gift causing things to become awkward between them. He'd kept it though, believing that one day he'd be able to give it to her. 

She placed the bracelet back down on the table and took a pen and paper out of the drawer. On the paper she wrote - 

"I am so genuinely sorry and hate myself for what I have done to you. I no longer deserve this or you."

She placed the note on his bedside table and gently placed the bracelet on top of it. 

Closing the zips she picked up the case and carried it into the hallway. She quickly popped into the bathroom to collect her things and throw them into the case. She carried the case out to her car and placed it in the boot. It's then that she realised something had fallen out of her bag as she was at the top of the stairs. Turning, she dashed back into the house to retrieve it. 

Reaching the top of the stairs she bent down and quickly realised it was a photograph. But not just any old photo. It was the photo she had clung to through all their years of seperation whilst she was in New Zealand. The one piece of hope and solace she'd had to keep her going through all the rubbish in her life. More tears cascaded down her face. She really had ruined everything. How they could ever move on from this she had no idea. She threw the photo to the ground and spun to run away. She struggled to see the steps through her tears and in her haste her feet became tangled. She let out a scream and felt her head hit the bannister as she tumbled forward. That was the last thing she remembered before everything went black.


End file.
